Nature does not know negativism …
Thinking negatively about yourself, your family background or your upbringing, when it has crystallized into a pattern of recurring thoughts is a signal. In fact you may have made a decision earlier in your life, in your childhood or adolescence, to see it that way. This decision can be revised—and reversed!
But to do that you need to take a conscious approach. No doubt, you can make the opposite decision any time, if you want to. Do you want to be positive? Or do you prefer to remain negative? It’s up to you.
To be positive does not mean to negate what you went through in childhood, but to put it behind you, so that it doesn’t interfere with your present life. And that is what counts after all, for you have outgrown your childhood and now face a different reality. Hence, you need to change your thought and emotional patterns accordingly.
What is the benefit of being negative? Do you really think there is benefit in being unhappy, overly critical, idealistic and high-strung? We can observe that many of those who had challenging experiences early in life later became overly idealistic. Why is that so? Simply because they grab a savior paradigm to distract them from their inner hurt. Instead of working through that hurt, they seek consolation through clinging to an ideal. That is a form of self-deception that will not bring about real personal evolution; it rather leads to stagnation.
Then it is even better to stay with your negativity and look closely at it, asking you if it gives you energy to be negative, or if it rather consumes vital energy? Let us ask what is the natural state?
Is it not to be outgoing and positive? Does the sun complain to shine on humans who engage in war and destruction? It shines anyway. It is above the little critter of human conflict; it cares for much more than just the human race.
Changing your thought patterns comes about through understanding. It means to put that whole experience of childhood in a larger context, the context namely of your ultimate success to which that experience has contributed once you have integrated it.
If you are in a situation that you find is not agreeable, strenuous, uncomfortable, ask yourself what in your inner life, the realm of your thoughts and emotions, has brought that about? We are composing our lives through our thoughts, and the way we fundamentally see the world. It is the same with our relational experiences. If you are surrounded by people who are alien to you, who do not see your true self, who are aggressive toward you, or do not respect you, ask yourself which part of yourself does not respect you? Then you will find out why you surround yourself with the wrong people, why you are in the wrong places, the wrong culture, the wrong setting, the wrong climate for you.
We all instinctively know what we want, what we like, and how to attract that. But if you do not really respect yourself, you tend to disregard these clear signals from inside, and you begin to float, and as a result make wrong decisions, or no decisions at all, thereby leaving it over to fate or other people to push you around. I call that lack of self-direction. If you do not direct yourself, others will, and you do it, too, but unconsciously. Then you are driven not by conscious desire but by unconscious and vague longings that may mislead you.
And that is why we have emotions! Have you ever reflected about why we are emotional beings? Why are we not hyper-rational robots? The reason simply is that emotions are signal-givers. When you get into a rage when people push your buttons, there is a reason for that. There is a reason for this rage, a good reason! It tells you where your limits are. It tells you how you did not respect these limits. It tells you that the other person did not respect your boundaries. It also tells you that you gave wrong signals to that person, in your communication with that person.
And contrary to common belief, anger is not per se a negative emotion. When you experience anger, you can hold on and cognize the signal you receive, without lashing out onto others, and without blaming the person who triggered your anger. You can hold on and take a reflective stance, and leap ahead of your old pattern, by recognizing the signal, and by understanding that the more you respect yourself, the more you show to the world that you are no more dominated by your past.