7 Good Habits for Personal Growth
In this very first session, I express a preliminary warning against the greatest pitfall in self-development, which is the striving for perfection. The hero cult which is based upon the scarcity paradigm and ruthless competition hides the fact that you are unique.
When you are unique, you have nobody to compete with but yourself. But this is exactly the pitfall. Even those who have got to the point to see that they do not need to compete with others for realizing themselves, still are prone to the trap to compete with themselves in never being satisfied with their achievements, with their attitude, with their behavior, with their income, their status, their personal power, their relationships, and so on and so forth.
When you strife for perfection you cannot really develop yourself because you will be stuck in a pattern that in the long run destroys you.
Perfectionism is suicide.
So don’t judge yourself. Instead you have to give yourself a lot of tolerance, you have to be patient with yourself first of all, and welcome all progress you make and on the other hand, you should never punish yourself for any progress that you don’t make. It is natural to progress, but very often in life we are not aware of the steps we make and of the progress we make. This feeling may be just an impression and objectively not true.
Think of that only. Be yourself your first friend! This is the start of your true life, and nothing else.This is very important for the whole work on yourself, that you always think of giving yourself tolerance, and give it to others, too; but you can’t give it to others if you don’t give it to yourself first.
And the second point logically is how to get in touch with yourself, how to communicate with yourself? Every communication with others is based upon how you communicate with yourself.
Developing a vision is essential for attracting what you want. If you don’t really know what it is that you want to attract, how can you ever trigger that attraction? You need to have a precise image in your mind of what you want, be it things, be it relationships or a partner, be it prosperity, be it happiness, be it fulfilled love or a wonderful functional healthy body, for all of this you need to build a specific vision, a focus, and mental images that represent it in your mind. Ideally, the mental images should be associated with happy, positive feelings, and a joyful expectancy of what you wish to happen will happen! This is the trigger for attracting it into your life.
And for knowing what it is that you really want, you need to communicate with yourself, with your inner mind — which is true religio.
Your strength lies in your difference, not in your conformity, in your original solution, not in your complying with solutions others have provided. There is no way around the need for you to build a true identity, which is built on your difference, on your uniqueness. When you begin to dialogue with your inner selves, you will notice how daringly original your inner life is, and that our outside world is a low-level copy of it. So when you focus on your inner life, you will see the real beauty of life, and its grandiose creativity.
Communication is inner and outer, for as it is inside, so will it be outside. The more you improve your inner dialogue, the better you will communicate with other people, in the group also, in the organization.
For attracting what you wish to attract, you need to communicate your wish to the world around you in an appropriate way, a way that does not hurt others, that does not offend others; this is how you integrate your desires in a greater group, community or society as a whole.
One of the best ways to learn this is to do creative writing; write down your dreams in the morning, and write little stories about your daily experiences, a journal or dialogues that either reflect content exchanged in specific relationships, or that are made up in your mind. At the same time, doing this, you will greatly improve your writing skills!
It is a fact that if you don’t systematically program yourself, you shall be programmed by others, by groups or by society with all its religious and political ideologies. For programming yourself, you first must become conscious, and precisely so, of your needs, personal needs, biological needs, emotional and sexual needs, and your needs for social recognition and professional reward.
Forgiving is essential for clearing your inner space, and for being able to also forgive yourself for any past mistakes and hurtful experiences you have triggered. There is a connection between your inner voices and the voices you hear around you, and in society.
So when you begin to forgive people who are hostile to you, or who reject or harshly criticize you, you will be better able to cope with your inner critic, your controller instance, because this inner voice is the one single greatest obstruction to success and happiness.
Most people are unhappy not because of antagonism with others, but because they are their own enemy!
When you learn to forgive others on a regular basis, you will get into a very loving and tolerant relationship with yourself, and that is the starting point for really effective self-development!
What brings about violence and abuse both inside people, and in society, is not power, but powerlessness. There is a reason why life coaches stress empowerment so much; they do this because they know that nothing is more destructive on the human level than lacking power, and constant depressions.
When you are powerless, you are easily trapped by others, manipulated and pushed around, and this will in the long run build up strong negative feelings and aggression in you, which risk to destroy you. So you must take responsibility for your power, and consciously build power.
This does not mean you are going to dominate others, in the contrary. It means you begin to be aware of how power is assumed, and what power does in relationships and in the whole of the social game. When you reject power in others, you will be pretty unable to develop your own power, so accept power as something necessary; and don’t confuse power with violence. Violence is abusive power, while power as such is not abusive. Abuse comes about through powerlessness, not through power.
This also means you have to see that your inner team becomes functional so that not one of the entities is going to constantly dominate or blind out the others.You have to bring about an integration, an interplay of the inner energies, so that they are harmonious with each other. This is the best exercise for learning to exert power in society, power that is socially acceptable and that brings about good!